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Nancy Olsen-Harbich has been a Human
Development Specialist at Cornell Cooperative Extension
(CCE) of Suffolk County for 21 years. She coordinates
a team of parent educators who facilitate workshops throughout
Suffolk County.
Many North Fork families are acquainted
with CCE's excellent family and children programs through
4-H, summer camps, and parenting workshops.
Nancy Olsen-Harbich lives in Mattituck
with her husband and two children.
Parents almost always wish their children
were more responsible and pitched in more voluntarily.
But with busy family lifestyles of today, heavy school
and workloads, and competing distractions and entertainment,
this expectation has fallen by the wayside in many families.
"It's easier to do it myself,"
some parents may say.
"I just can't get my kids to take
care of it," others may say.
"Part of me likes doing it for them,"
yet others admit.
It's not just chores that children need
to take responsibility for. Sooner or later, they're going
to have to take responsibility for a lot more than that:
schoolwork, work, relationships, money, and every other
aspect of their own lives.
So how do we raise responsible children?
Here are seven tips:
1. Start Early, Start Now
Encourage children to do anything they CAN for themselves.
Even young toddlers feel proud of their contributions.
2. Teach Skills and Give Positive
Feedback
Give a clear and patient demonstration of how a task
is done. Remember that many skills take practice to learn
well. Praise effort. Point out how children's contributions
matter.
3. Communicate Your Expectations Clearly
and Consistently
Use positive, instructive language to describe what
you want the child to do. Daily routines, through repetition,
become habits.
4. Design a Home Environment That
Promotes Acting Responsibly
Take a close look at how easily your children can
access tools they need to behave responsibly: cleaning
tools, school supplies, etc. Are there objects you need
to add (or remove) that would help?
5. View "Mistakes" as an
Opportunity to Make A New Plan
Ask questions (in a respectful tone) that help your
child think about what they need to do differently next
time in order to get different (better) results.
6. When They Fail to Act Responsibly,
Let Children Experience the Consequences of Their Behavior
Natural and logical consequences are excellent teachers.
Resist the urge to "save" your children from
the consequences of their behavior unless the consequence
would be unhealthy or unsafe.
7. Be A Positive Role Model for Responsible
Attitudes and Behaviors
Try your very best to practice what you preach. In addition,
point out when you have made a mistake and steps you have
taken to not repeat it.
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